I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
