I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
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I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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