i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
