1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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