He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you still have your period?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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