did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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