Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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