are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
