There was a lot of him and a little penis
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
