is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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