I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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