Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
