just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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