my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
