i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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