I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
