he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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