Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
