I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
