Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
