i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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