Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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