I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
