3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
