Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
