If i could tip my vagina, i would.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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