I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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