so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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