chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have demons in me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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