i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
