I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
