I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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