well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Randomize
