I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
