Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
