I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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