yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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