whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
