I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
