fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
