Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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