so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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