These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
