i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
