i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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