I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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