it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
