M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
