you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
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So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
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I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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