It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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