just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
