This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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