i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
