Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
