Non-Jews are for practice
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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