dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
