it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
