I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
