My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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