I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
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I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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