If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
